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In work, as in life, you simply can’t do it all. You make choices about where you spend your time. You’ve already had to say “no” before, you can probably do it again.
But, saying “no” is hard. It raises lots of natural concerns:
Will I sound rude?
Am I not being a “team-player”?
What if they fire me for not doing what I’m told?
I like to make people happy, how can I say “no” to them?
What if people think I just can’t do the work they’re asking of me?
All natural thoughts, but you know the truth. You (read: you, your team, your company, your family…) can’t do it all.
How then can you say “no”? How does it sound to say “no” well? How can you say “no” and come away more respected, not less?
First, it’s important to see that you can say “no”. Here’s a quick exercise for you that takes 3 seconds. Please, out loud (even if you can only whisper it because it’s that hard or because you’re surrounded by people) say “no” to my following request:
If you’re standing up reading this, please sit down. If you’re sitting already, please stand up.
Again – don’t. You’ll say “no”.
How was that for you? Take a breath, do you feel anything? Totally easy? Hard to say “no”? Just reflect for yourself. If that exercise or this topic gets you thinking, this is an area I really enjoy coaching around, so feel free to reach out to discuss more.
That was the most direct version of “no” and if you can say no to my weird email, you’re already on the right track. Now, here’s how else it can it sound, so that you walk away more respected by the person who made a request of you, not less:
Use earlier mutual agreement and defer: “Given all the important priorities we’ve already discussed, I won’t be able to do that until [later].”
Lean on an external authority: “I agreed with my manager that these things I’m working on now are top priority for my time. Is [another person] able to take this?”
Use earlier mutual agreement and cut: “Here’s what we’ve prioritized already, which thing would you cut so that I can work on this instead?”
Lean on quality standards and defer: “Getting this done well sounds really important. For me to do this well, I would need to block out some time [next week] to work on this.”
Build trust in the relationship: “I don’t want to try and make you happy now, just to disappoint you later when my other work takes over, so I’m going to have to say no for now. Let’s discuss [in the next quarterly planning cycle].”
Another way to build trust: “I want you to trust that I’ll always deliver on what I commit to and right now with my existing priorities, I’m likely to break my word if I said I could do what you’re asking.”
